Can you remember when you felt insecure? Can you remember the feeling it gives? The anxiety it can bring? What if I told you, you are not alone? What if I told you, everyone deals with this? Some more than others, that is true, but they deal with it none-the-less. What if I told you that it could be a serious problem, but that it could also be your ultimate thrive? Got curious? Well, let’s dive into it.
Let me start by telling what insecurity means to me. I’ve had to deal with insecurity throughout my entire life. I’ve never felt like I belonged anywhere. Wondered a lot of times if life was worth living, constantly feeling alone and scared. During every conversation my brain would go nuts, telling me I didn’t belong there, that they would stab me in the back. It even told me I was wrong whilst I knew I was right. It would make any discussion a nightmare as I would start doubting from the get-go, and that would be triggered by none other than myself. It was always terrible but at some point in life I also started to realise that I would be in control. That life can also be different. That it is not some incurable disease.
Let me also be the person that tells you life isn’t lived alone. So hiding in an attic is not going to solve anything. This is because you yourself are your own worst enemy. If you are going to ask: Did you cure yourself completely? Well, no. But I’ve mastered the feelings and I’m in control. I determine how I feel. And if something bothers me? Than it’s up to me to solve it.
What are the basics of dealing with it?
The basics are actually very straight forward. I’m aware that everything works different for everyone. However, I think… No, I am convinced that these basics are the best working in general. Start with analysing your feelings. How are you actually feeling? What is it that makes you feel this way? The follow-up is going to be: Confront whatever makes you feel that way. Directly followed by: Accept to fail/fall. This is going to happen. Important is to: Stand-up, adjust, and try again.
Analysing your feelings
There are tons of reasons to feel certain ways. It is job to define what it is that makes you feel negative. What is making you scared, or feeling lonely? What is the true reason for feeling down? Let me give you an example. I would feel terrified to even buy “a pack of butter” at the store. Why? I was scared I would get hurt by getting into trouble for no reason. Scared to disappoint the people for which I would buy “the pack of butter”. That somehow during that simple process I would find a reason to fuck it all up. Bang, there I had it. It wasn’t getting into trouble. That was statistically impossible. Also, my mom would never be disappointed if I would try to help out. I mean, I knew the product to get. No, it was the fact that I was somehow able to tell myself that I was able to fuck it up somewhere along the way. It is often that insecurity starts by telling yourself that you are wrong, you are at fault, you, you you.
Confronting the “you”
So, whenever the problem is found. The only way to do something about it is to confront it. You can’t really confront yourself head on. So I found out that the only way to confront myself was to do that what gave me the feeling. In my example this means to go to the store and buy “that pack of butter”. Now let me immediately state that this example is an easy one to head straight on. It might be that some of your problems require more tact to handle.
Accept to fail/fall
Confronting the “you” sounds simple. It is the smallest step. However, people will find that the most difficult step among all. Why? Because you have to Accept to fail. Failure will occur. Some of the endeavours will not play out the way you intended to. You will fall. That is the only guarantee that can be given. But look it from this perspective: Those who do not even attempt might not fail, but they will be a failure to themselves. Unfortunately the world is filled with such people. Failure is part of life, it is something to embrace. For that case, read my other article: Embrace the fear.
Stand-up, adjust, and try again
Now onto the most important step of all. None if this matters if you do not stand-up, adjust, and try again. It is of utmost importance. Somehow failed to get “the correct pack of butter”? Adjust, and try again. For this instance, I did not manage to get the “pack of butter”. Why, sold out? Head to a different store and try again.
I know this example sounds very simplistic. But trust me if I say I had to start here. I had to go through the insecurity from this point. Scared to get a pack of butter. Now a metaphor for me to explain insecurity to others. What I did? I went to the store, where it was sold out. Felt shit, thought of plan B and went to another store to execute plan B. By the end of the day, I had that pack of butter. I slept well that night, exhausted of the trip. The next time I had to go and buy a pack of butter? I knew the game plan, still nervous but easier than the first. Years later, doesn’t even make me flinch to get that pack of butter.
I had many topics to confront. But I kept doing it. Time after time. Does it ever stop? No, but it becomes a second nature, no longer influencing your life. Making you more confident in your approach to solve all your problems.